funny [censored] from craigslist rants & raves section

[BlueWahooChambordDevil]

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
I'm not from New York . I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don't
think
I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story
there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests
Craig's List PostingID:



THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense
to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.





Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2007-10-05, 1:57PM EDT


I'm speechless.

To the original poster, as well as the women who've responded sincerely (especially the delightful woman with such insightful observations on race):

The moment you describe yourself as "classy", you reveal yourself to be crass. The moment you say you are "sophisticated and articulate", you sound tacky and ignorant.

If you were as intelligent and "well-bred" as you say, you would be using your million dollar education to become an informed, thoughtful member of society... and you would NEVER SETTLE for a man who is only interested in your looks. If you were truly as sophisticated as you say, you would seek out a man who made a good living but with whom you sparked on every level, not just bank account to bra size.

everything you've said smacks of ignorance and inelegance. perhaps you'd never say these things to someone's face (let's hope not), but the fact that you think them shows me you are seriously lacking inner refinement. you say you're "cultured" but you sound about as interesting and worldly as my 5 year old niece when she's playing malibu barbie.


the problem is, you are telling yourself that your outter sophistication equals inner quality. you couldn't be farther from the truth.

so my guess is you aren't finding anyone to propose to you because you have nothing to offer intellectually or emotionally.

who wants to spend the rest of his life with a narcissistic bimbo who only cares for money? sure there are those guys, but no truly high quality woman would want that. the reason you see those bankers with "plain jane" women on the upper east side, and the reason you see bill gates with melinda...is because those men are sensitive and intelligent, and they want to be able to discuss something other than botox at the dinner table.

which brings me to my final point. if you truly posessed the brains you say you do, not only would you never settle for a sugar daddy, but you'd make the decision to rely on yourself financially. if you truly had all the spectacular qualities you've listed, you'd be putting them to use already.

[BlueWahooChambordDevil]

Dear Pers-431649184:

Your also came across your posting with great interest. I am a 28 year old Wall Street trader who qualifies as an eligible suitor under your $500k/yr rule. In fact, I make over a million and can usher a woman into a comfortable, true middle class lifestyle (not like those 500k lower-middle class chumps who have to make do with the junior two-bedroom).

I am sympathetic to your goal in finding a rich man to marry. The milk needs to be sold by the expiration date. But since this is premium milk, why would you settle for less than premium prices? I would like to address some of the questions that were previously missed by the other gentleman and provide constructive advice on where to find your match.

I also do believe in the efficient market theory, and am surprised that $500k hasn't found you yet. There are plenty of rich lawyers, investment bankers and hedgies to go around in this city. What gives? I think the problem might be that you have not been sufficiently focused in your search efforts.

The culprit, I believe, may be that you are also looking for qualities aside from money - such as looks, personality, and a sense of humor. However, men who have those qualities learn at an early age that they do not need money to attract quality women. As the saying goes, if you can get the milk for free, why pay up for the cow?

What you need to look for is someone who is long money, and short the other aspects. They are not easy to spot, since you are biologically wired to overlook and ignore them. However, the next time that you are at a expensive black tie event, and you are introduced to the short, bald, overweight man who fidgets nervously whilst making conversation with you, pay special attention to him.

Here's an inspirational story for you. An acquaintance of mine who was also an classy and articulate woman as yourself was able to land that guy - who also happens to be one of the top ten guys at Google. This is the type of stuff that gold-digging moms read to their gold-digging daughters at bedtime. Perhaps you need to make a location change to Silicon Valley - miracles like these happen almost everyday in a land where you can randomly throw a rock and hit a rich nerd in squarely his Kim-jong Il glasses.

And as far as his deficiencies go, they turned out to be not so bad. With hundreds of millions in the bank, she's been able to clean him up and give him a little sophistication. Think of it as a fixer-upper project with a massive budget (and yourself as a real estate developer!). Although, I must warn you, it is a fine line you are flirting with - you must not overdo it lest he begins to attract younger women who are hotter than yourself. The trick is, you need build him up enough to be presentable, while simultaneously manipulate him into believing you are the best that he will ever do! That and having kids will be your insurance against your depreciation (or as I prefer to use the term, going sour).

I wish the best of luck on your sales project. As for me, I am also available for a short-term lease. However, for marriage I wouldn't consider a women unless she can bring beauty, brains and self-motivation to the table. I do not want to dilute my gene pool and end up raising a bunch of Paris Hiltons.


---------

Dear Pers-431649184, fellow mid-20's female,

Let me begin by saying that my dating situation is much like yours - rife with frustration over guys that aren't worth a long term commitment or who don't want a long term commitment. In fact many of my friends who read your posting were convinced that I had written it. I feel your pain. I will add some more color to elucidate exactly the type of female that I am: I went to an Ivy League school, work at a top tier investment bank, and I am generally considered a very good looking girl. In other words, I won't dilute the gene pool or "raise a bunch of Paris Hiltons". I have brains and oodles of self-motivation. I go on about 3 dates a week with guys like the ones who posted above, and even guys that make more money, and I am friends with a bevy of these beasts through Ivy League and investment banking connections. However, none of these fine young gentlemen have proposed yet. I believe it is because they spend so much of their time making money, that they have very little time to be in an actual relationship and so they settle for dating cheap, trashy girls that they pick up over bottle service at bottom-of-the-barrel night clubs like PM and Marquee. It is only these cheap girls that can truely be bought with money.
The first specimen to respond to your post is actually a first year analyst at Deutsche Bank. I've heard this from reliable sources. So, he only makes about $150,000/year and that's before taxes, rent (for some crappy 1 bedroom convert on the west side), and all the buckets of beer he buys at dive bars like Bulls Head Tavern on 3rd Avenue, where he gets wasted with his disgusting frat brothers. But I dont think I need to tell you any of this since you have already eliminated this filthy class of guys. Bachelor #1, by kicking you when you were already down, also highlighted an important point: most men are [censored], making it virtually impossible to find one that is even worth marrying, much less one that will marry.
Bachelor #2 sounded promising and his post was much more respectful of your plight. The moral: men need to mature past the frat-boy stage before they are acceptable to date.
However, what I think most men fail to understand is that your preference for "$500 K" is not about the money and it is not a matter of materialism. Rather, this blanket statement provides an umbrella under which many other qualities seem to fall: premium educational background, high level of motivation, a family who raised the man well (and therefore good genes and similar breeding), and a socio economic background that reflects your own. I know how difficult it can be to date a guy who wrinkles his nose when he sees your oriental carpets, crystal chandeliers, and diamond heirloom ring. Having a similar background is vital to the success of any relationship. Let me reiterate: I make my own money and come from money and have no intention of marrying for money. Wanting a well-bred guy who has high motivation and a great education is not a crime.
With all of that said, I hope I have made it clear to everyone keeping up with these postings that females all over Manhattan are experiencing the same thing day in and day out and some of them aren't money grubbing sorostitutes. Well-bred gorgeous women who make their own money are finding it impossible to locate men who are of the same caliber. Its about time someone brought attention to the matter. Why is New York filled with guys who are A) career-obsessed, B) frat-loving, C) immigrants, or D) greasy B&T.
Where are the high-brow, ballroom-dancing, tuxedo-wearing Ivy League men who don't fall into any of these 4 categories and who aren't disrespectful slime balls? I have yet to solve this Manhattan mystery.

[BlueWahooChambordDevil]

Reply to: [email protected]

I'd like to tell you that I am 34 years old. I make a little more than half a million a year, and if you're as good looking as you say you are, I'd like to bang you with reckless abandon in every position and every hole, but the idea of marriage is out of the question because I'd prefer to discard you for a firmer piece of flesh when you age, which you will, and I don't want to pick up the tab for the rest of your miserable life.

[BlueWahooChambordDevil]

Reply to: [email protected]

First of all, not only doctors, lawyers, and Wall Street idiots make lots of money. I'm a twenty-five year old writer who last year made 652,000 dollars. I wear jeans and t-shirts unless at some kind of lecture so you wouldn't recognize me as affluent unless you had a keen enough eye to notice my watch.
Dear Seeker of 500k/year husband, you sicken me and you give women a bad name. First of all, I'm willing to bet that you aren't A) half as "strikingly attractive" as you think you are, and B) a third as intelligent as you claim to be (based on your spelling and grammatical mistakes). I'm not attempting to insult you, these are just presumed truths from myself, a person who has proven his perceptive nature since a very young age. If you're so "cultured" then who is your favorite novelist? philosopher? painter? sculptor? what is your favorite architectural period?
And if you're emanating such beauty and class, post your picture and let me be the judge. One last question....do you have a job? I can't remember if you mentioned that.

[BlueWahooChambordDevil]

Reply to: [email protected]

I must say you come across as a GOLD DIGGING [censored]. Why in the [censored] would you want to weasel money out of a rich man? So you can sit back on your sorry ass all day and either (a) surf the internet, craiglist, and beyond hunting for more rich men (b) buy all the extraavagant [censored] your heart desires with money that you never lifted a finger making (c) live in some upper east/west side exchange pretending to be upper class. [censored] pathetic. No wonder I wanna vomit everytime I come into the presence of people like yourself.

Go back to the bar and suck down a beer, [censored]. Women like you make me wanna beat the [censored] out of you. And I'm not a violent person. But what comes around goes around........Hope you get knocked up by your rich man and kicked out on the street curb. You deserve to be thrown out like yesterday's garbage.

[BlueWahooChambordDevil]

Dear $500k seeker: read this

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Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2007-10-09, 12:04PM EDT


You say you're not from New York.
That much, my dear, is quite obvious. That you say you "keep a nice home and HEARTH" is not something you'd ever hear a New Yorker say. I'd expect to hear that from someone born and raised in, say, Alabama?

And, at just 25 years old, you are so impressionable. I am wondering, did someone tell you that New York is full of rich men looking to get married? You sound very disappointed, as if New York didn't meet your expectations. Why in the world do you think that at age 25, you would have already gotten married to a New York millionaire? Is that the only reason you live here?

Remember, you are ONLY 25!!! that alone is the reason for your wild expectations and wilder imagination.

It's like saying, hey, go to Miami, all the millionaires have great tans and throw beach parties, and soak up the sun waiting a gal to come by. So you get your brazilian wax, don your finest thong bikini, only to find that the beach is full of just ordinary-looking people doing ordinary things. Where are all the guys, you will wail.

And, just because YOU say you are cultural and sophisticated, doesn't mean others see you that way. How do you dress? Are you still wearing the sorority clothes from college? How much culture have you really attained? Have you traveled the world? Experienced so many different cultures? Intelligent about foreign affairs? Because a guy who makes $500k likely will be interested in those things. Otherwise, marrying a pretty bimbo will make him the laughingstock of his community. Do you speak more than one language (and no, knowing the words 'cerveza' and 'tequila' does not make you bilingual.)

By the way, your original posting doesn't even state that you WENT to college at all. You are not giving us any information about you except that you think you are spectacularly beautiful. Have you won any pageants? Who says you are so pretty? And who says you are classy?

Class is not something any 25-year old calls herself. Class comes with age and experience. It means you are refined, and behave appropriately and with the utmost manners and etiquette in all situations. A classy woman will not be a gold-digger. She will be respectable in many ways. From your letter, that does not at all sound like you.

You need to re-evaluate how others really see you. re-read all the responses you got for your posting. They all read between the lines and say you are too young, too inexperienced, probably not that pretty, and a gold-digger. That is how people see you. They do not see class, culture, not sophisitication.